


Jealous Host

by madamelibrarian, Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Loving Heart [36]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Gabriel, Angry Sam Winchester, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Panic Attacks, Reconciliation, Verbal Fighting, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 13:05:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11036772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: Ever since Mary Rose had come into their lives, Sam had been getting random visits from Angels. At first they were benign, showing up in public and just watching Sam with Mary Rose. It was the last two angels that appeared a month prior that had him worried.





	Jealous Host

Sam bounced Mary Rose on his knee as she held on to both of his hands. She’d come to love playing ‘horsey’ with Daddy Sam and squealed in delight when he made the noises to go along with the jostling. “Daddy, horsey too fast.” she giggled.

Laughing with his daughter, he slowed down and scooped her up, blowing a raspberry on her neck. She pushed at his face and giggled. “Daddy! No tickles.”

“Okay, I won’t tickle.” He laughed as he stood her between his knees. “Want to help me wash clothes? I’ll show you how to make sock bombs you can throw at Uncle Dean.”

Mary Rose’s face lit up and she started jumping up and down. “Yes..yes.”

“Okay, Gumdrop. Let’s go arm ourselves.” Sam said with a smile as he took her hand. Suddenly, the warning claxon started going off. The alarm echoing through the halls as the wards glowed red hot in the concrete. Sam scooped Mary Rose into his arms as she covered her ears and began to cry.

Lucifer came running out of the kitchen, covered in flour. “What in the name of Father’s Human Child?” he asked, coming over to his mate and daughter. “Where’re the others?”

“Gabriel went on a Trickster run. Dean and Cas are shopping.” Sam explained as he passed Mary Rose to Lucifer. “Go to the dungeon and lock yourselves in.”

Lucifer nodded and held Mary Rose close to him. “Come on. Daddy can handle whatever’s out there.” he soothed, kissing her forehead as he raced toward the dungeon.

Sam lifted his pant leg and drew Lucifer’s sword from a holster he’d rigged. The fact that he’d snuck away his mate’s archangel blade and wore it daily was something he’d carefully hidden from everyone, along with why. Ever since Mary Rose had come into their lives, Sam had been getting random visits from Angels. At first they were benign, showing up in public and just watching Sam with Mary Rose. It was the last two angels that appeared a month prior that had him worried. They had told him in the plainest of terms that he, a demon tainted abomination, had no right to be mated to angels, let alone raising a child and that if he didn’t dissolve the bond and part with their ‘brothers’ they would do it for him. Sam was not an ignorant man, he knew the bond could only be severed by death and he refused to be bullied by these others, even if a part of him did believe most of what they said. He was demon tainted and unworthy, but he loved his family and wouldn’t let that stand in the way.

A couple of angels came into the bunker, smirking at him. “Well, well, well. Sam Winchester, defiant to the last.”

Sam shrugged, tightening his hold on the blade in his hand. “What can I say? Your kind bred me that way.”

“Don’t give us any of that sass, Winchester, we both know it’s not true.” the lead angel said, scoffing. “Where are your so called mates, abomination?”

“Busy.” Sam scowled at them and widened his stance. He’d been practicing with Cas on how to fight with swords, especially Angel blades, so it wasn’t just a hack and slash job when he fought.

“Then why can I sense one of them just below us?” He nodded for the other angel to go check it out. “I know it’s not little Castiel. So it has to be either Gabriel or Lucifer.”

Sam stepped in front of the Angel and raised his blade. “They’re none of your concern. Your problem is with me.”

“So, little Winchester thinks this is all about him, hmm?” the other angel mocked, getting into Sam’s personal space, ignoring the blade. “This entire _family_ is our concern. You’re the problem, but maybe the way we break this bond isn’t through you.”

Sam looked down into the Angel’s eyes and without a word he shoves Lucifer’s blade into their heart, closing his eyes briefly as the grace flashed inside the vessel. Pushing the body off of the weapon, he stared at the remaining angel. **“Now** **_I’m_ ** **your concern.”** he uttered in flawless Enochian.

The remaining angel blinked, giving a cry, but before he could lunge, there was something stopping him.

“That’s enough.” Lucifer said in a low and deadly voice, stalking towards the remaining angel. “Jefial, I expected better.”

“Not my fault you bonded with a demon tainted abomination.” Jefial grunted against the restraining force.

Lucifer got right up next to Jefial, ready to smite this “brother” of his. “Would you say the same about me?” he asked quietly, “Or are you targeting _my mate_ because he’s a human?”

“Why should _he_ receive two archangels as his mates when there’s much better in store for you and the Messenger, Mighty Lightbringer.”

Lucifer snarled.

Gabriel appeared behind Jefial, with a face like dark thunder clouds, “Here I was having a good day when a little birdy told me that the wards were being breached in my home, where my mates and daughter are. And what do I find but two seraphs seeking violence.” Gabriel met Lucifer’s gaze and clamped a hand down on Jefiel’s shoulder, squeezing it until the angel winced. “Lucifer, my love. Since you’re the oldest and Michael is indisposed, care to pass judgment?”

“Of course, Gabriel darling. Can you please escort our guest downstairs? I’m afraid I get a little messy when passing judgement.” Lucifer’s grin was close to the one he had when he was truly the Devil, before Father had forgiven him.

Sam took a deep breath and lowered the blade to his side. Taking a step back when Gabriel jerked a pleading Jefriel passed him and down into the dungeon. “Where’s Mary?” Sam asked once Gabriel was gone.

“Safe in her room.” Lucifer said, snapping a dark red apron onto him as well as a wicked looking blade into his hands. “I’ll be expecting answers on why you had my angel blade, Sam,” he mentioned as he went downstairs into the dungeon to do work.

Sighing Sam slashed at the air before sheathing the blade and making his way to Mary Rose’s room. Opening the door, he found her on her bed and curled around Mr. Floofles, hiccupping around her tears. Sam picked her and the bear up. Sitting against her headboard to rock his daughter gently while stroking her hair. Although he spoke to her, his mind was churning on how he was going to explain this to Gabriel and Lucifer. All he wanted was to protect them for a change. To save them from the knowledge that the Host hated him and resented their family. They were happy and he would have done anything to keep it that way.

Lucifer came up a couple of hours later, freshly bathed and with a beaming smile on his face. “Geez, I don’t know where my Princess has gone,” he said, looking around for his daughter playfully, scratching his head. “She has to be around here _somewhere_ _,_ right?”

Mary Rose jumped up from where she’d been coloring quietly on the floor and waved her hands up at Lucifer. “Mama..mama. Look.”

Gabriel came into Mary Rose’s room behind Lucifer and leveled Sam with a stern expression. “Sam. A word, please.”

Sam stood from Mary Rose’s bed and followed Gabriel to their room where the angel shut the door behind them. “Sit,” Gabriel said as he pulled out the desk chair and leaned against the dresser with his arms crossed. “We’re going to sit here and wait for Lucifer.”

“Gabe- ” Sam started to say but the angel held up his hand to stop him.

“We’re going to wait,” Gabriel said calmly but firm enough that it was clear that he wasn’t going to discuss it further.

Lucifer came in a few minutes later. “She’s down for her nap,” he confirmed, “Now. I believe we have something to discuss. Why the _fuck_ was there an angel threatening to kill you and why did you have _my_ angel blade?”

Sam looked down at his hands which were neatly folded in his lap. He didn’t know where to begin or even if he wanted to start at all, so he kept silent.

“Sam,” Lucifer’s voice was firm, unyielding, “Why did I have to torture and kill an angel?”

Something inside Sam broke in that moment when he heard Lucifer had actually tortured the angel and he blurted out everything. “Because he would have killed me, severing the bond and stolen Mary Rose. They’ve told me so repeatedly and I needed to protect us.”

“Back up,” Lucifer said, kneeling in front of Sam. “What do you mean, ‘they’ve told me so repeatedly’? Has this happened before?”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Sam, “And why is this the first we’re hearing about it?”

“I-They’ve been watching Mary and me. When we’re out,” Sam looked up at his mates and shook his head, “I thought they were just curious. Those two I’d not seen before, so maybe it was the same two angels, maybe it’s a whole garrison. I don’t know. But a month ago they finally talked to me.”

“And what did they say?” Lucifer asked gently, giving his brother a look.

“I’m an abomination. Azazel’s whore.” Sam said with a choked voice. “Unworthy to be mated to archangels or a father. That was the first visit. The second time they told me I was to-divorce you both, to sever the bond or… ”

“And if you didn’t, they’d do it for you?” Lucifer pressed.

Sam nodded and swallowed thick around the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry I took your blade, Heylel. I wanted to protect us and I needed the strongest weapon I could get my hands on.”

“Shh, okay,” Lucifer said tenderly, pressing a kiss to Sam’s forehead. He looked at Gabriel. “Gabriel, we’re going to need to talk to Father. Let him know of the situation.”

A violent crash of thunder was heard overhead followed by a crackle of lightning, drawing Gabriel’s gaze toward the ceiling, “I’d say he knows and someone’s going to bed without supper tonight.”

“Several someones.” Lucifer agreed.

“So this has been going on for six months?” Gabriel asked as he pushed off the wall and crossed over to Sam, “That’s why you’ve been so jumpy.”

Sam nodded as he watched the lightening outside, feeling relief that it might finally be over but with an undercurrent of dread. What if Chuck thought he was unworthy too? He could take Mary Rose away and there’d be nothing he could do about it.

“Sam, you know we don’t like reading your thoughts but if you don’t start telling us stuff like this we’ll have to start resorting to it.” Gabriel explained as he crouched in front of Sam.

“We can’t protect each other if we’re not open with each other,” Lucifer added, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Sam’s ear. “We’re a flock.”

“I know. But we were doing so well. You weren’t having panic attacks. I’m not having nightmares. Mary is growing like a weed and adjusting to life with us… I didn’t want to ruin it.” Sam sighed.

Lucifer shook his head. “Sam, I’ve had twenty nine panic attacks since we brought Mary Rose home. You didn’t realize it because you didn’t wake up or you just simply weren’t around and I was able to calm myself down,” he confessed.

Sam scrubbed a hand down his face in an attempt to alleviate the tension he was holding onto,  “I’m sorry for not telling you but I’m not sorry for trying to defend our family.”

“Nor should you be,” Lucifer said, “We’re very proud that you were able to defend our family. We just would’ve liked to know so I didn’t freak out Mary when I felt my angel blade get used.”

“He’s right. It’s not a pleasant sensation to begin with, kinda like licking a nine volt battery, but it’s worse when you’re not expecting it.” Gabriel explained. “Now where is Luci’s blade?”

Sam lifted his pant leg to reveal the sheath. Unhooking the whole mechanism, he held it out to Lucifer. “I’ll clean it if you want.”

“I’m impressed.” Lucifer said, taking the blade out of the sheath. “Keep the sheath. I do want you to have an angel blade, just not mine.”

Nodding, Sam took the leather piece from Lucifer and stood to lay it on the dresser, “They were right though. About one thing.”

“What’s that?” Lucifer asked, although he had a suspicion.

“I’m not… ” Sam took a deep breath and stared into the mirror above the dresser. “I’m not worthy of this. Either of you or Mary. Who am I to raise a kid when I’m… ” his gaze dropped down as his thought tapered off. This whole fiasco had drug up too many bad memories to deal with along with everything else. Somedays it felt all consuming and if it hadn’t been for needing to put it aside to care for their daughter, he might have let it do just that. Consume him.

“Hey now,” Lucifer said, wrapping his arms around him. “You are worthy. You’re an incredible mate to me and Gabriel, and an adoring father to Mary. Don’t listen to the idiots who call themselves angels. Father wouldn’t have given us Mary if he didn’t think _all_ of us were up to the task, and you know that. In here.” He tapped Sam’s heart, splaying his palm over it, “We love you, Sam, so called ‘abomination’ or not. But for the record, you’re not an abomination.”

Gabriel stretched up from where he was crouched and kissed Sam on the cheek. “You’re our Sam and I don’t want to imagine our life without you. I understand the inclination to believe angels, we’re designed for telling people what they need or want to hear in order to accomplish a goal. Doesn’t mean it’s always true. Except in our case. I don’t have the stomach for machinations when I could just tell you the truth. I love you, Sam Winchester.”

“We’re not letting you go,” Lucifer whispered in his ear, “Not without a fight.”

“I love you too.” A tear slipped down Sam’s cheek as he listened to his mates. It never ceased to amaze him how these two infinitely powerful creatures could love him so completely. Finally he nodded and snuck a hand up to wipe his cheek dry. “I’m going to go clean up the mess I made in the library. Can’t have Mary seeing a body like that.”

Lucifer nodded and he kissed Sam’s now dry cheek. “Go do that, baby.”

Sam stepped from their grasp and quietly shut the door behind him. Gabriel waited until Sam was well out of earshot before turning and punching the wall while seething. “Son of a bitching fucking assholes! Six months, Luci. Six. Months. Coming down here and terrorizing Sam and probably Mary. I swear if it weren’t for Dad taking care of it upstairs I’d fucking show them what the hell an Archangel is for.”

“Agreed,” Lucifer said, stopping his younger brother from punching the wall again. “Now, shh. Hold me. I had a panic attack while I was torturing Jefial.”

Gabriel sighed and pulled Lucifer into a hug, burying his nose against his neck. “You didn’t have to torture him. We could have just scared the crap out of him.” he mumbled.

“I know.” Lucifer whispered, shaking slightly. “I tried to just do that but he wouldn’t be scared and I was just _so angry_ and I just... I gave in, and I _hate_ myself for it.”

“I should have stopped you but we can’t live on wouldas and shouldas.” Gabriel slipped Lucifer’s hand up to his chest and held it there while letting out a shaky breath of his own. “What scares me is that we could have lost Sam today and maybe even Mary. And I'm furious at Sam for not telling us.”

Lucifer rested his chin on Gabriel’s head, holding his brother.

Gabriel tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to his brother’s chin. “It'll be okay now, Luci’. We’ll get through this too.”

“I know,” Lucifer sighed, slumping in Gabriel’s arms, “I’m going to go check on Mary.” He needed the time spent in silence with his daughter. Slowly, he withdrew from his brother and mate and walked back to Mary Rose’s room. Sitting in the giant armchair, he picked up his book and began to read, keeping a watchful eye on their sleeping child.

.oOo.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in near silence between the three of them. The only time they’d talk is if it directly related to Mary Rose or if she was talking to them. Sam gave her a bath without his mates in the background for the first time. Gabriel told her a story without the sounds of Lucifer and Sam’s giggles when he did the character voices. Lucifer sang her asleep without Gabriel singing in soft harmony to him. That left them sitting silently in bed, unable to sleep while Gabriel angrily turned the pages of a magazine.

Sam looked over at Gabriel and narrowed his eyes. “Out with it. If there’s something you want to say, say it.” he snipped.

Lucifer’s spine stiffened but he ignored Sam for right now, reading his book. He was glad that he was separating the two of them but not looking forward to the shouting.

Gabriel glanced at Sam and snapped a page to the side. “Got nothing to say, Samuel.”

“Bullshit,” Sam reached over Lucifer and threw the magazine out of Gabriel’s hands. “You have _plenty_ to say, so out with it.”

Gabriel glared at Sam and got out of the bed, crumpling the covers against Lucifer and stormed across the room to pick up the magazine. “Would you like it in order of importance or alphabetical?” Gabriel snarked as he rolled up pages into a tight roll.

“Frankly, at this point, I don’t care if they come out of your mouth or out of your ass,” Sam snapped, shoving his own side of the covers against Lucifer and getting out of bed. He stood face to face with Gabriel, ignoring Lucifer’s plea to stop, “Just as long as you say them to my face so we can all get some sleep without you flipping through a magazine with less finesse than a twelve year old boy jacking off for the first time.”

“You know what? I think you forget just who you’re talking to half the time, let alone living with.” Gabriel teleported across the room and stood near the foot of the bed with his arms crossed over his chest, “Otherwise you would have told us what was happening. Personally I thought we were a flock, but I guess I had that wrong.”

“Has all that sugar you eat finally rotted your mind?” Sam snarked. “I did it because I was trying to protect you! Like I don’t already feel inadequate enough with the fact that I, a demon tainted abomination, got mated to two archangels. Didn’t need the pretty fireworks show for me to remember.”

“Don’t pull that demon blood bullshit with me, Sam.” Gabriel snapped, pointing a finger in Sam’s direction. ”Yes, it happened. Yes, it sucked and was fucked on so many levels. But don’t you dare pull that out on me because I’m not in the mood to pet you and tell you that it’s okay. No, this is about the little girl down the hall and you thinking you could take on multiple angels alone. Not even your brother to back you.”

“That was the first time it got physical, and I’ve been training. I’m not a complete idiot, Gabriel.” Sam crossed his arms and hardened his look. “And it was two angels. Not like a whole fucking garrison was in the library. I admit that stealing Lucifer’s blade was wrong but at least I didn’t do it half fucking cocked.”

“Twenty Two. NOT TWO!” Gabriel roared “You had no comprehension of just how many angels were involved. While you were giving Mary her bath, I checked. There were twenty two involved.”

“Maybe you have no comprehension of what it means to have a family.” Sam sneered. It was a low blow, but he was angry. “You ran out on your brother when he needed it most.”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes into slits and stalked up to Sam, seeming larger than usual but not changing height. “You know what, Sam? Fuck you and your sanctimonious preaching on family. Everyone is tired of hearing it.”

Sam went to open his mouth, but before he could get a word out, Lucifer did.

“STOP FIGHTING!” the eldest screamed. “PLEASE! You guys are tearing each other apart for no good reason. What’s done is done and it can’t be undone. Forget it and move on, _please!!_ ” Tears streamed down his face and he shoved his book and the covers off of him, going towards the door. He felt a major panic attack coming on, but he didn’t want his mates to help if they were going to spend it bickering at each other. Slamming the door behind him, he made his way to the observatory, coughing and sputtering and falling after running into a table. Curling up on the ground, he covered himself up with his wings and began to slowly ride out his panic attack in silence, tears streaming down his face and unable to calm himself down.

Sam stared after Lucifer with a slack jawed look, having never seen his mate so upset and so hurt before. All the anger from earlier drained out of him. Swallowing, he turned his head over to Gabriel, before looking away. “You’re right. I should have told you two. I’m sorry.” he said quietly. “I just didn’t want to seem like I was hiding behind yours and Luc’s skirts just because I got threatened.”

Gabriel sighed as he threw his magazine down, his anger changing directions towards himself and slowly ebbing away. He’d seen Lucifer upset plenty of times and this just reminded him of every time, including their separation. “And I’m sorry I got so pissed at you. I shouldn’t have called you sanctimonious. I was terrified and angry and...a dick.”

“And I shouldn’t have implied that you didn’t know what family was. That was a really low of me. I was hurt, but that’s not an excuse.” Sam looked at Gabriel and hesitantly raised his arms for a hug.

Gabriel hesitated before moving into the circle of Sam’s arms, laying his cheek to Sam’s shoulder.  “If Luci hadn’t been home and called me. If all of them had come…”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, burying his nose in Gabriel’s hair. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve told you and Luc’.”

Gabriel tilted his head up and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his jaw. “Just so you know, I’m still upset about all of this. But I’m going to keep my peace because you’ve apologized and we’ve got Lucifer wandering around the bunker clearly pissed at both of us.”

Sam nodded and pressed a kiss to Gabriel’s forehead. “He’s probably heading to the observatory. That’s where he likes to go if he’s upset and the nest isn’t an option. Oh God. . .” he rested his head against Gabriel’s. “Do you think he’s having a panic attack over this?” The thought of upsetting Lucifer to the point of a panic attack was alarming. Lucifer hadn’t had a major panic attack in months, not since they got Mary Rose, but Sam didn’t want to think about the days when a major panic attack was a daily norm for Lucifer. That brought back too many painful memories.

“He’s already had one today and with everything else, it’s damned likely.” Gabriel stepped out of Sam’s arms and grabbing one of the nest blankets, walking out the door while seeming much calmer than he probably should be, but at the moment he was starting to feel numb from all the high level emotions of the day. Which was probably a good thing because being high strung around Lucifer while he was panicking was never a good thing.

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat and grabbed the key to Lucifer’s drop closet before heading out of the nest, calming himself down so he could focus on his mate.

Lucifer laid in the middle of the living room, a bundle of feathers and tangled limbs, crying and thrashing. He was in the midst of a full blown anxiety attack, with a sensory overload. His leg kicked the coffee table, and he cried out in genuine pain but it didn’t stop him from repeating the motion.

Gabriel was first in the room and rushed over to him, laying his hands on the side of Lucifer’s head and wing. “Baby, it’s Gabriel. Shhhh, it’s okay. Just feel my hands, Heylel.” he murmured to him as Gabriel’s own wings unfolded to drape over Lucifer’s body.

Lucifer cried out at the sudden darkness and touch, shivering and coughing as fresh tears streamed down his face. He tried to do what his brother’s voice said, to just feel, but it was too much, too much to take in. Another cry of pain jolted him to the reality of the panic attack again and he sobbed into Gabriel’s feathers.

Sam came in and his jaw dropped. He wasn’t sure what he could do to help, so he let what Lucifer had mentioned to do take over and he rested a gentle hand on Lucifer’s thighs, trying to prevent him from kicking the coffee table again. “Heylel, it’s okay, we’re here, we’ve got you.”

Gabriel lifted Lucifer’s head and slipped his leg under him, letting his brother use him as a pillow if needed and providing as much contact as he could without bodily covering him. Gabriel’s hands moving over Lucifer’s shoulders and wings as he murmured reassurances to him that it was over, everything was calm with him and Sam.

Lucifer coughed as he protested against everything he could, the cold fear of being alone and unable to help hitting him much harder than usual.

Sam’s eyes flicked up to Gabriel. He was at a loss for what was going to help Lucifer at this point. “Got any ideas?” he whispered. “Otherwise, we may have to take him back to the nest and restrain him. He’s going to hurt himself if this keeps up.”

“One but he might not like it right now.” Gabriel sighed as cracked his neck and placed his fingers to either side of Lucifer’s head. “Just...close your eyes if this gets too bright.” Gabriel said before easing a slow flow of grace into Lucifer, gently touching his brother’s inner light to let him know he was there.

Lucifer cried out as his body reacted, thrashing harder. Sam threw himself over the angel, trying to keep him from doing more damage.

It hurt, Lucifer realized, to have his Grace touched so gently and he sobbed. “ **Gabriel, I’m fine.** ” he whimpered out loud. “ **I’ll be okay.** ”

 **“Then control your vessel.”** Gabriel’s grace whispered to Lucifer. **“You’re hurting yourself like this. Rail and cry but stop kicking and thrashing or we’ll need to restrain you before Mary wakes.”**

Sam did something brave and potentially dangerous. He grabbed one of Lucifer’s flying hands and placed it over his heart,I feeling Lucifer’s fingers grab his shirt. “Feel my heart. Hear our voices.” He soothed. “We’re right here. We’re not going to hurt you. We want to help. It’s okay, baby, relax. We love you, Heylel.”

Between finding Sam’s heartbeat and hearing his daughter’s name, Lucifer forced his body still, the only thing moving was his wings, fluttering in agitation and his eyes, still spilling tears out at an alarming rate.

“There we go.” Gabriel said as he withdrew his grace and stroked a hand along Lucifer’s cheek. “Let out the tears and just listen to our voices. Feel us touching you, holding you. We’re right here, Heylel. Right here and not leaving.”

Lucifer coughed and sputtered, turning his head into Gabriel’s hand and crying into it, his hand melting onto Sam’s chest. Everything hurt, but he was slowly calming down.

“That’s it. It’s okay, baby,” Sam soothed, using a hand to stroke Lucifer’s right wing. “There you go, just relax and know we’re here, okay? We’re right here, beautiful.”

Gabriel took his brother’s other hand and pressed it to the to his cheek. “Come back to us, Luci’. Let us see that pretty smile.”

Lucifer’s eyes slowly blinked open as he calmed down, sniffling and batting them to release more tears. Coughing, he shifted slightly so he could rest his head more comfortably on Gabriel’s thigh.

“There’s those pretty blue eyes.” Sam whispered lovingly. He placed a tender, chaste kiss on Lucifer’s forehead.

Lucifer opened his mouth to apologize, he didn’t mean to get so upset, didn’t mean to make them worry, set aside their argument so they could help him.

“Don’t even think about apologizing, Luci’. There’s nothing to be sorry for, at least for you.” Gabriel murmured as he placed his fingers over Lucifer’s lips.

“But not right now.” Sam added as he ran a hand along Lucifer’s arm. “Right now, you just relax and be here in the moment.”

Lucifer swallowed and nodded, looking up at his mates, silently asking _Are you two okay_ as he did so.

“We’re fine, Heylel. We just had to get somethings off our chests.” Gabriel said as he carded his fingers through Lucifer’s hair.

“You know us. Stubborn and loud when we should be the opposite.” Sam bit at his lower lip in embarrassment for having caused all of this.

Lucifer nodded and slowly sat up, his back hurting from laying and thrashing on the floor. He heard a creak in the floorboards and his eyes flashed over to where his- their- daughter was standing, wide-eyed. “Oh, Princess,” he whispered, all of his focus on her, his pain and worry forgotten. “Are you okay, pumpkin?”  

Mary Rose hugged Mr. Floofles tight to her chest as she looked between them. “I hear’ scary soun’.”

“Scary sounds?” Lucifer repeated, before clucking his tongue sympathetically. He opened his arms. “Want to come hug Mommy?”

Mary Rose whimpered as she ran to Lucifer and hugged him tight, the bear she adopted clutched in her fist.

Gabriel stroked over her silky blonde hair. “What did the scary noise sound like, gumdrop?”

“Yellin’ an’ cryin’.” She sniffled against Lucifer’s shirt.

Sam closed his eyes and felt like crawling into a hole. Mary Rose had heard the fighting and the fallout of Lucifer’s panic.

Lucifer shushed her and planted a kiss on her temple, hugging her as tight as she was hugging him. “It’s over now, Princess. No yelling, no crying, just a pretty little girl with her mommy and daddies,” he whispered soothingly. He couldn’t help but glare at both Sam and Gabriel. He held her close and rocked her. “All the scary stuff’s done now, pumpkin.”

Gabriel felt two inches tall under the power of his brother’s glare and the sound of his frightened daughter. “Daddy Sam and Papa Gabe are sorry for being loud. We forgot to use our indoor voices and Mama had to be louder to make them be quiet again.”

Mary Rose peeked out of her hiding spot in Lucifer's shirt and pulled a perfect imitation of Sam’s ‘bitch face’. “Bad Daddies..no desserts fo’ you.”

Lucifer chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Does Mommy get desserts?” he asked her with a soft smile.

“No.” She said turning the scowl to him. “My cookies. Not yo’ cookies.”

Lucifer smiled and held her tight. “Okay. No cookies for the grown ups. But it’s too late for cookies. Want a glass of juice before Mommy tucks you back into bed?”

Mary Rose shook her head. “Milk, p’ease.”

Sam tried his best not to laugh at Mary Rose’s dressing down of the three of them. To help keep it together, he cleared his throat. “How about we have Papa Gabe make the special warm milk with cinnamon?”

Lucifer smiled at his mate and kissed Mary Rose’s nose. “I like that idea, do you, pumpkin?”

Mary Rose nodded hard enough to make her hair bounce around.

Gabriel stood up and held his hand out for her. “Then let’s go make some milk while Mommy and Daddy clean up. Then we’ll tuck you in and Daddy Sam will check the closet and under the bed like he’s supposed to.”

Mary Rose took Gabriel’s hand and tugged him towards the kitchen. “Unca Dean says gotta get salts. Mon’ter hate salts.”

Lucifer chuckled and began trying to stand up, wincing as he did so.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked as he helped Lucifer to stand.

“Not really.” Lucifer confessed. “But I’ll be okay.” He hissed as he tried to put weight on his leg. “Okay, not happening.”

Sam winced in sympathy and stooped down a little as if he was going to pick Lucifer up. “You mind?”

“Not at all.” Lucifer said, wrapping an arm around Sam’s neck to steady himself.

Sam scooped him up into his arms with a small grunt of exertion. “Want to go to the nest or are we embargoed?” Sam asked quietly as he walked towards the bedrooms.

“Mary’s room.” Lucifer said, resting his head on Sam’s shoulder. “Have to tuck her in properly.”

Sam nodded and continued on until he could turn into Mary Rose’s bedroom. Sitting his mate on the bed, Sam stood up straight and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sleep pants. “I’m sorry, Lucifer. I know it’s sounding repetitive but I really am.”

“I know you are, Sam.” Lucifer said patiently, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about what happened right now.  

Sensing Lucifer’s reluctance, Sam lets the subject drop. “Do you want me to have Gabriel make you some milk too?”

Lucifer shook his head. Truth be told, he wasn’t happy with his mates and was stubbornly refusing some of their help because of the panic attack that happened afterwards. “I’ll be fine, thank you.”

Sam watched the expression on Lucifer’s face and knew what it meant. “I know you’re probably pissed as hell right now and I can’t speak for Gabe, but if you want it. The nest is yours. I’ll sleep in my old room for the night. Give us all a chance to cool off.”

Lucifer counted to ten. Counted to twenty. Counted to fifty just to be on the safe side. “Yes, I am pissed off right now.” he said, letting out a slow, deep breath. “I’m not kicking the two of you out of the nest, so get that idea out of your head, you ape. You know I need as much physical contact as possible in these situations, so why torture myself. My anger isn’t over the situation from earlier today, like Gabriel’s was. My anger is more of the fact that the two of you stooped so low to insult each other in ways that it hurt the most and when I _asked,_ rather politely, if I do say so myself, for you two not to fight, you ignored me. It took me screaming and having a full blown panic attack, complete with a near sensory overload, for the two of you to come to your senses. Moreover, the entire encounter tonight scared Mary.” He leveled a look at Sam. “Do we have an understanding on why I’m upset?”

Sam nodded as he pulled his hands from his pockets and let them drop to his side. “We have an understanding.” he answered quietly.

“Good.” Lucifer opened his eyes and smiled as Mary Rose came in, holding the kitchen’s salt shaker, Gabriel trailing behind her. “Hey there, Princess, did you enjoy your milk?” he asked her.

“Uh huh.” Mary Rose said as she ran over to the bed and sprinkling the salt onto the floor.

“Keeping the monsters out?” he asked her, eyes crinkling into a smile.

“Yes.” She stated authoritatively as she crawled into the bed. “Unca Dean says to go to bed with salts to keep mon’ters out.”

“Uncle Dean is a smart man.” Lucifer nodded, tucking her in safe and sound. “Why don’t you give the salt to Daddy so he can put some in the closet?”

“M’kay.” Mary Rose said as she held out the shaker to Sam, who took it and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. “Night, Mary. Daddy loves you.”

“Love you bunches.” Mary Rose said with a smacking kiss to Sam’s cheek.

Lucifer smiled and stroked her hair back from her face adoringly.

While Sam poured a small salt line in front of Mary Rose’s closet, Gabriel approached the bed and tickled her stomach lightly. “Did you say your prayers tonight, Gumdrop?”

Mary Rose bit her lip, looking a little guilty. Gabriel clucked his tongue and knelt beside the bed. “Assume the position.” he said as he folded his hands in front of him and waited for her.

She huffed and closed her eyes with her hands pressed together at her forehead. “B’ess the food an’ b’ess the heat. God b’ess Big Bird on Sesame Street. And please don’t give me Daddy stinky feet. Amens.”

Lucifer smiled and kissed her forehead. “Amen.” he whispered. “Get some sleep, princess. I love you to the moon and back again.”

“Love you, mommy.” She said as she snuggled into the blankets.

Gabriel gave her a parting kiss and stepped out of the room, tugging Sam along who was frowning at the prayer just said. His voice could be heard as they walked down the hall. “My feet are not stinky.”

Lucifer smiled in amusement and tucked her in a bit more firmly before kissing Mary Rose’s forehead again. “Sweet dreams, Princess.”

She closed her eyes and curled up against Lucifer’s hip and not long after her breathing evened out as she fell asleep.

Lucifer smiled and slowly got up. Being very careful not to make noise (especially of the “in pain” variety) or bump into anything, he made sure her night light was on and quietly exited her room. It was only when he got halfway down the hall that he allowed himself to collapse in agony.

Gabriel walked up and crouched beside him, raising an eyebrow. “Too pissed to let me heal that for you?”

“Sam told you what I said?” Lucifer asked through gritted teeth.

“The cliffnotes version.” Gabriel laid a gently hand on Lucifer’s ankle, letting his grace wash over Lucifer’s vessel, healing it and any other injuries he found. “I took things too far tonight. Can you forgive me for it?”

“Eventually.” Lucifer said, slowly standing up fully. He looked at Gabriel. “I understand where both of you were coming from. I just really wished it didn’t get to the point it did.”

“Me too.” Gabriel straightened up and tugged his sleep pants back in place, where they’d fallen down a bit. “But I would have been content to just stew for the night if he hadn’t of pushed like he did.”

“I don’t want to hear blame, Gabriel,” Lucifer said quietly, giving him an arched eyebrow. “It was both yours and his. And we all know it. Especially when it got to the level of insults aimed to hurt. What if Mary had come and investigated before I freaked out? What if I hadn’t freaked out? Also, why did I have to freak out for you to realize what you were doing to each other?”

Gabriel sighed as he rubbed his fingers over his eyes. “Lucifer, I’m not playing the what if game anymore tonight. That’s all that’s been floating through my damned head since Jefrial, so can we please just leave it alone. I fucked up. Sam fucked up and in the process fucked everyone up.”

Lucifer nodded shortly before starting to head back to the nest. He was angry and hurt, but over things that weren’t on Gabriel’s radar, apparently, as he didn’t acknowledge Lucifer’s last question. No matter.

“I’m going to take a shower.” he informed Sam as he stripped, making his way into the bathroom. “Don’t stay up on my account.” He closed the bathroom and proceeded to start up the shower.

Gabriel wandered in a few minutes later, deep in thought. It wasn’t that he hadn’t heard the questions posed by his brother, it was that he didn’t have the answers for them. Was there something fundamentally wrong between him and Sam to cause them fight so fiercely with each other? It was almost like he fed on the anger thrown at him by Sam. Or maybe he felt cornered and lashed out to try and get Sam to back down. He just didn’t know and it disturbed him when he thought about it.

Sam glanced at Gabriel when he entered. He’d  been staring at the ceiling going over his own thoughts ever since Lucifer went into the bathroom. “Hey.”

Gabriel didn’t speak, only drew his eyebrows tighter together as he sat straight backed against the headboard. “Sam, is there something wrong between us?”

“I don’t think so.” Sam said softly, looking over at his other mate. “I think that the both of us were angry at the other and couldn’t vocalize it and when we did, we blew up.” He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, “We let it build up over the day and instead of talking about it like civilized adults, we acted like idiots and pushed each other.”

“That sounds plausible but we went for the jugular this time, Sam.” Gabriel picked at a loose thread on his shirt, not wanting to look Sam in the eye at the moment. “Hell, I even held back from saying things that would have… would have been even worse.”

“You and me both, Gabriel.” Sam whispered, reaching over and laying a hand on Gabriel’s. “This was a difficult situation. You lashed out because you got highly concerned for my and Mary’s safety. You were furious that it seemed like I didn’t care about that and that I was a know it all hunter who didn’t want to listen, and who didn’t seem to hear what you were saying. I lashed out because I felt like you were treating me like a child and a rather stupid one at that, and I knew that you wanted to say so much to me. I pushed because I didn’t want this to spill over into several weeks, like fights in the past.”

“You pushed too soon. Too hard.” Gabriel confessed as he laid down beside Sam. “I don’t think you’re a child or stupid. Maybe a know it all hunter, but that’s how you stopped the apocalypse.”

“Please, you helped. We wouldn’t have if you didn’t tell us about the Horsemen's rings.” Sam smiled softly. “I-I just don’t know why it got to the point where Lucifer felt the need to scream. He hasn’t done that since the bath from Hell. Even when you were possessing Dean he wasn’t like that.”

“Think about the day, Sam. If we were raw, imagine how it was for him. Family threatened, he tortured an angel, then we end up fighting like wet cats.” Gabriel turned his head and looked at Sam with a frown. “I’m surprised he didn’t do it sooner.”

“He was asking for us to stop,” Sam pointed out. “He asked a couple of times. I think...” he hesitated before continuing “I think it’s the line I said about how you didn’t know what family was because you ran off when he needed you the most that did him in.”

“You weren't wrong.” Gabriel curled up against Sam’s side and laid his head on the hunter’s shoulder. “I did leave when you both needed me. Just like I ran away when the war ended. It doesn't mean I don't care.”

“I still shouldn’t have said it.” Sam said, wrapping an arm around Gabriel’s torso and rubbed his thumb along his side. “It was wrong for me to say so.”

“You’re forgiven.” Gabriel looked up at the profile of his mate and smiled softly, his earlier anger slowly melting away. “You may be a dick sometimes but at least you're my dick.”

Sam chuckled. “And you’re mine.” he said, kissing his forehead tenderly. “And I love you. So much.” He looked towards the bathroom door in concern. Lucifer had been showering for a lot longer than normal.

Gabriel’s eyes followed Sam’s line of sight and sighed. “Leave him or risk pissing him off to check on him?” he asked looking back to Sam.

“I’m not sure, he seems too calm for having had a major panic attack combined with sensory overload.” Sam admitted. “Not to mention he’s been rejecting touch this time around. Even when he’s upset with us, he _always_ wants us to touch him.”

Gabriel sat up and squared his shoulders before crawling over Sam to get to the bathroom.. “I’m going in. Tell Mary I love her and give my porn collection to Dean if I don’t come back.”

Sam chuckled and jerked Gabriel back for a warm kiss. “Love you.”

Returning the kiss, Gabriel broke away with a grin. “Love you too, ya big moose.” Facing the bathroom door, Gabriel carefully approached and knocked lightly against the surface. “Luci, you’ve been in there a long time. Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Lucifer mumbled listlessly. “I’m fine.”

Gabriel looked at the door in surprise and concern. He rarely heard Lucifer’s voice like that, not for a very long time. Grasping the doorknob, he turned it so that it barely makes any sound as he opened the door and peeked inside. “Heylel?”

Lucifer didn’t even look up when he heard Gabriel’s voice. He was sitting in the middle of the shower, the spray tattooing down onto his head, wings drooping onto the ground and getting soaked by the spray. He looked cold, lips and fingertips turned blue and his expression completely blank.

Gabriel burst into the room and hurried over to the shower, twisting the faucets until the water warmed back up. “Dammit, Heylel. What are you trying to do?” he asked quietly so as not to alarm Sam. “You can’t take a ice shower.”

Lucifer didn’t respond, nor did his expression change when warm water started raining down on him. The only indication that something had changed was the slight flutter of his wings.

Gabriel stepped into the shower, clothes and all, cupping either side of Lucifer’s face, forcing him to look up. “Lucifer, look at me. Come on. Look up.”

Slowly, as if it physically pained him to do so, Lucifer raised his gaze to meet Gabriel’s, ice blue eyes now stormcloud grey and rimmed in red.

“Oh baby.” Gabriel breathed out and pulled Lucifer into his arms. “It’s okay now. Sammy and I had a nice talk and we’re not mad anymore. We got you...we got you.”

Lucifer leaned into Gabriel’s touch slightly, closing his eyes as he did so. He still felt horrible, still felt like that they were going to start arguing any second, and he felt completely and utterly numb.

Using his grace, Gabriel shut off the water and dried them both before snapping Lucifer’s fluffy robe into the cubicle with them. Wrapping it around his shoulders and guiding him out.  

“Gabe?” Sam called, starting to get up from the bed. “Is he okay?”

Lucifer remained motionless while Gabriel did what he was doing, not even giving a hint that he heard Sam’s voice.

“I think he’s disassociating a little.” Gabriel explained as he combed his fingers through Lucifer’s hair and guided him out of the bathroom. “You might want to get some of his gear.”

“Oh. . .” Sam had never seen Lucifer disassociate and honestly, it was scaring him a little. Lucifer looked catatonic. “Anything specific, or the stuff we normally bring out?”

Lucifer shuffled his feet as Gabriel guided him out, not even really hearing his mates speak.

“Bring me something sharp smelling. Like mint or cinnamon oil.” Gabriel nodded his head towards the bedroom door. “And if that doesn’t work, we can bring Mary in here and puppy pile him until he comes out of it.”

Sam nodded and made his way out of the bedroom to Lucifer’s drop closet. They were low on mint, but they had plenty of cinnamon. Not knowing how fussy Lucifer was going to be when he came out of it, he also grabbed Lucifer’s favorite black sleep mask, one of his mouth guards, and a sock, tied off and filled with rice. He headed back to the nest, holding up the oil for Gabriel.

Lucifer laid on the bed listlessly, eyes closed and completely unmoving. Sam wanted nothing more than to slide into bed with him and hug him close. “This is my fault,” he whispered.

“We all had a hand in this.” Gabriel said as he plucked the oil from Sam’s grip and unscrewed the top. “Luci, I’m going to put this bottle under your nose so you can take a big whiff.” he warned before waving the bottle of strong smelling oil under Lucifer’s nose.

Lucifer’s eyes snapped open and he whined, grabbing Gabriel’s wrist and twisting it to get the smell of cinnamon away from him, turning his head away and coughing violently.

Sam was on the bed in a flash, watching Lucifer’s red stained eyes slowly turn back to blue from grey. He looked at Gabriel, unsure of what he should do. Could he touch? Should he touch? What should he say?

“Hey now..take it easy. The nasty bottle is going away.” Gabriel said with a relieved smile as he pulled his hand out of Lucifer’s hold and sat the oil on the nightstand. “You with us again, baby?”

Lucifer nodded and coughed, eyes filling up with tears again.

Gabriel motioned for Sam to lay down as he stretched out beside Lucifer. “Talk to us, Heylel. Can you tell us why you’re crying?”

Sam laid down on the other side of Lucifer, watching his mate.

Lucifer shook his head, giving a tiny little hiccup.

“Is it because you don’t want to tell us, or do you not know?” Sam asked quietly.

Lucifer coughed as he tried to answer verbally. He raised two fingers, indicating that he didn’t know why he was crying.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to know, we’ll just lay here and hold you until you want us to stop or you feel better.” Gabriel whispered to his brother while covering his heart with a wide spread hand.

Sam laid his hand on top of Gabriel’s and looked at Lucifer. “Just relax, baby. We’re here.”

Lucifer gave a nod and closed his eyes again, tears leaking out from them again. Sam tucked himself more firmly into Lucifer’s side, looking at Gabriel in worry.

Gabriel took Sam’s hand and laced their fingers together. “It’s going to be okay.” he said for the benefit of all three of them and praying to all that he held dear that he was right.

“Are you sure?” Sam whispered. He felt completely helpless when it came to helping Lucifer and it didn’t help that he felt like he was the cause of everything. He squeezed Gabriel’s hand lightly.

He opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it and pressed his forehead to Lucifer’s temple. Gabriel wasn’t sure about anything at the moment and he didn’t think it’d help any of them to be voicing doubts at this point. So he closed his eyes and focused on the sound of Lucifer’s breathing.

It was a long time before Lucifer slowly opened his eyes, tears gone but eyes still red. Shakily, he wrapped his arms around his mates, rubbing his thumbs along their biceps.

Sam’s eyes popped open, having just started to doze off after laying awake most of the night keeping watch over Lucifer. The dark circles showing how exhausted he was. He and Gabriel had debated at some point during the night about if both of them should stay up but it was decided that at least one of them should be well rested for Mary Rose’s sake. So Gabriel’s soft snores filled the room almost as much as Sam’s worries. “Morning, Heylel.” Sam whispered to the older angel.

“Hi.” Lucifer whispered back.

“Feeling better?” Sam asked as he swept a strand of hair from Lucifer’s forehead.

Lucifer nodded. “Cold.” he admitted.

Sam sat up and brought the spare blanket from the bottom of the nest and tucked it around Lucifer’s chin. “There we go. Between that and me you should warm up in no time.”

Lucifer nodded and cuddled into the blanket. “Sleepy.” he admitted softly.

Sam chuckled as he wiggled deeper into the blankets. “Me too. But Mary will be up soon. I should start breakfast.”

“Don’t leave, please?” Lucifer asked softly, his first full sentence since before going catatonic.

Taking Lucifer’s hand, he pressed it to his cheek. “I won’t. Maybe today is a snap breakfast kind of day.” Sam smiled as he raised his hand, snapping his fingers. When nothing happened, as was to be expected, he mock scowled at his hand and shook it as if that would fix it. “Must be on the fritz.”

Lucifer gave a tiny smile and nuzzled into Sam, closing his eyes.

Sam settled his hand around Lucifer’s waist and sighed. “You might not have heard us last night but Gabriel and I came to an understanding.”

Lucifer nodded, remembering Gabriel saying something to that effect. “Okay,” he whispered quietly.

“The short version is we’re dicks but we love each other so we’re going to try to be better about not shouting down each other and going for the jugular.” Sam kissed his forehead and took a long breath. “My family is too important to throw it away because we’re angry.”

Lucifer nodded. “Okay.” he murmured.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you in the first place and let this whole thing spiral like it did.” Sam hugged Lucifer firmly. “I love you, Heylel, and I don’t know if I can ever make this up to you but I’ll try.”

Lucifer nodded and buried his face into Sam’s neck. “Love you too.”

Gabriel took that moment to inhale sharply, his eyes fluttering open as he came awake. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes and looked over at his mates, seeing Sam still awake. “Any change?” Gabriel whispered.

“I am awake and aware,” Lucifer mumbled into Sam’s collarbone. “Also, please lay back down, you’re letting cold into the nest and I’m trying to warm up.”

“Oh.” Gabriel glanced at the clock and slipped out of the covers, tucking them up against Lucifer. “Mary’s going to be up in a few. I’m going to take care of her today while you guys rest.”

“Let her know Mommy didn’t sleep well and needs more sleep.” Lucifer mumbled. “And that I kidnapped Daddy to use as a teddy bear.”

“I will.” Gabriel nodded as he tried to keep his expression upbeat and bent down to kiss his brother’s cheek. “Wish I could be a teddy today too.”

“You could.” Lucifer said in a hopeful voice, looking up at his brother with a version of the puppy dog look coming into play. He was feeling touch starved, and just Sam wasn’t enough.

“Gabe, why don’t you leave Mary in her pajamas and we’ll have breakfast in here. All of us.” Sam suggested. “We’ll have a lazy day in bed watching movies and napping.”

Lucifer nodded before turning onto his stomach and burying his face into his pillow. “It’s naptime for this angel. And for the other angel and the human.”

Gabriel slipped back under the covers and curled up against Lucifer. “I guess we can let her wake us up for a change.”

“It’ll be good for you to be pounced by a toddler.” Sam yawned wide and turned his face towards Lucifer as he went lax on his back.

“Less talking, more sleeping.” Lucifer grumped, closing his eyes.

“Yes, Luci.” Gabriel muttered before closing his eyes, content in the knowledge that his brother was back to his usual self. He couldn’t help but smile a little when Sam started snoring lightly, already dead to the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Drop us a note and let us know what you think. Comments feed the plot bunnies.
> 
> You can also find us on tumblr at lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell.tumblr.com & madamelibrarian.tumblr.com


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